Self-care part 1

Treat yo self with a little bit of love..

Hellooooooo again, Im gonna first start off by admitting that regular blogging is actually really hard and I am so impressed at everyone who does it on top of everything that they do! Nevertheless, here I am still going..just about..

Anyways, I have been super busy over the past week or two ((well busier than usual)) doing all sorts of jobs all over the place and dare I say it, socialising a lot more (YAY!). However, since I have had to take it a lot slower over the past several months the up in activity is something I am not quite used to, so naturally my body is being a bit like “hold up, I need some rest”. So making time to take care of myself and recognise a bit of down time is very much needed.

Self-care is an art, and like most arty things I am not very good at it and it is definitely something that I have been working on since being home. Honestly, I hate it but I am slowly learning to like it and hopefully at some point love it(!!!) This may sound really odd to some people who would wonder why you wouldn’t want to take care of yourself after a busy day or two but it is something that has never come very naturally to me and literally I don’t even think about doing it..


((It is about to get a little bit deep and personal so brace yourself for a second))


As humans we are creatures of habit, we create routines and rituals which we end up following quite naturally. When I am feeling particularly low, I often get thoughts where I feel unworthy, which leads to a lot of self-neglect and even self-punishment. I stop/refuse to think about my own needs and focus my attention on something or someone else. This kind of behaviour is just the way I deal with situations. This way of thinking ended up becoming something that’s extremely unsustainable and something that is very hard to manage. ((hence me coming home to my amazing family)) and why self-care has been such a key element into getting me back to life.

So, when I am living with certain things that I am so used to doing or not doing and which feel so normal, getting out of those normalities is really hard. Like learning anything it takes practice and patience and a hell of a lot of determination. Learning to love yourself and accept yourself as YOU has been one of the biggest challenges I have had to face. At least with learning a language or a sport you can usually buy a book or get taught how to do it and there are rules. Self care on the other hand, has no book, no guidelilnes and it is SO different for everyone.

I actually used to laugh at people and think people were really lame if they went out and bought bath bombs, or bought themselves nice things, the idea of “treating yo self” was just not a thing for me. BUT SERIOUSLY WHY ON EARTH NOT?! I can’t tell you how wrong I was!! Bath bombs are honestly fantastic, clean bedsheets and towels are dreamy, and early nights are the best ideas ever!!!! ((don’t worry I did used to clean and wash myself but I have taken it to a whole different level now)).

This has been a huge part of my recovery, so I thought over a few more blog posts since I have rambled on a bit in this one ((which was not the plan by the way)) I would just share some of the new ways I care for myself ((admittedly they are quite girly but hey ho, embrace your inner girliness)).

I am still finding the whole process and the actual act of caring for myself quite hard and trust me there are so many days where the last thing I want to do is get up let alone think about all of this self-care business but usually those are the days where it is most important.

Please don’t be like that person I used to be and laugh at me for getting excited over some bubble bath, instead try it, you might like it?!!?! :O

lots of love, xxx


being OK with saying no…

In my last post the focus was on ((if you haven’t read it yet then shame on you..jokes)) scheduling days out and making time to generally have the best time and as much fun possible!!! So a slight shift in this post which is gonna focus on pretty much the opposite. Basically reminding myself to take time doing, well, nothing AND to be ok with doing nothing.

FOMO or “Fear Of Missing Out” has to be the best word. According to Oxford dictionaries, it is, Anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on social media.

Up until super recently I have been a lifelong sufferer of FOMO. For those who know me, you will know that I would never miss a night out, I would say yes every single time without question, whether it was just 2 of us on a Tuesdays at fes club… ((not my fav night out I have to admit)) or a massive group of us at Revs ((also not that great)), you could count on me being there. I would ensure that whatever event, party or gathering ((including those infamous piss ups on our local green, which would always end with the police and 1,000 missed calls from my parents who thought I was at a girly sleepover…don’t bother lying they ALWAYS know what you are up to)) you would find me there. I, to put it really simply, literally didn’t want to miss out on any funny jokes or seeing who got with who ((expecting it to be funnier or different from last time.. it never was)). I would make sure that my Friday and Saturday nights would consist of what everyone else was doing and making sure there was some form of documentation either through a regrettably long snapchat story or some terrible collection of photos published across Instagram and facebook. That fear of not being at that amazing event day or night that all your friends can’t stop talking about, for me, was the worst feeling ever. There were countless times where I knew I should NOT have gone…trust me I would pay the consequences. Most of those times I didn’t have any fun anyway, in fact, I would probably say that 80% of the times I went out I wasn’t enjoying it shouldn’t have been there or there for completely the wrong reasons.

I literally look back with my head in my hands, grimacing back at those proper fuzzy memories thinking WHY ON EARTH WAS I DOING THAT?!??! I know the answer. I had massive FOMO.

Really really recently, I have finally seen the light… or well I have made peace with saying no and opting for a more chilled, casual time for myself, by myself. Actually, my normal Friday or Saturday night.. pretty much every night ((especially since Love Island has been on)) usually involves a cup of peppermint tea and an early night, there is nothing better than taking a moment to breathe in my pj’s watching some Netflix. Admittedly, that is all I can really handle at the minute but I don’t have that worry/angst anymore. I cannot tell you how much taking a step back and listening to myself has benefitted me (physically as well as mentally). I do what I want, when I want, with who I want and I blooming enjoy whatever it is every single time!

I like my dancing too much to ever rule out a party ever again but I have finally realised that drinking myself into the ground and attending EVERYTHING isn’t what is right for me.  I have finally learnt that not going to something isn’t the end of the world and there will always another opportunity. AND I feel sosoososo much better for it.  I am so happy I can finally say no to things and be ok with the fact that I am not doing something that all my other friends are doing. This might sound completely strange to some, but honestly it has been a revelation and I wish I could go back and tell myself to calm down but that is the beauty of hindsight I guess.


Give ya self some TLC and enjoy a little moment to yourself with no FOMO – don’t let the FOMO get you down and stop you from being happy.

Lots of love xxx




A trip to wimbledon

Being able to enjoy a really fun day out…ish…

I can’t believe it is already week 2 of Wimbledon, it only feels like yesterday that we were all guzzling pimms and consuming strawberries and cream, while good old Andy Murray raised that trophy…finger crossed he does it again!!! So I thought I would dedicate this blog post to it is amazingness ((as well as bits of it that aren’t so great.. every day out comes with its hiccups, especially a day out with the Baileys)).

When you are ill, physically or mentally, I think it is so important to carry on doing fun things and creating memories, just because illness is around does not mean our lives have to come to a complete halt (admittedly it does come with a few pauses). For me and my illness, trying to cope/manage, particularly the social aspects of the day, like all the crowds, food, that general buzz and intensity of the day, can quickly become very overwhelming and can often lead me to not even going through with the plans. That doesn’t mean though forcing yourself to do things that at the end of the day you just didn’t want to do, but it also means you shouldn’t avoid doing something altogether.

One key trick that I found over some very nasty trips out but also some fantastic trips is that it is ESSENTIAL to find the best travel companion and to find something you love to do! Luckily this was super easy for me since my mum is for sure my go to person and she loves loves loves tennis, so it was a match made in heaven. This didn’t mean the day was easy for me, trust me it was far from easy..but it definitely made it that bit easier and something I am really proud of myself for doing and enjoying all at the same time.

SoooOooo, Mum and I set off on our lovely quintessentially British day out to Wimbledon to nestle down into a day jam packed full of tennis on court no.2. To say the least we were very excited to be going back!!! Equipped with sun glasses, sun hats, gallons of sun cream and water…we were very prepared, or so we thought…


…4 HOURS LATER and at least 4 thousand trains later ((due to some major delays, at one point we even had to return to Cambridge and start the whole journey again..thankfully this was at the beginning, but there is something slightly demoralising about returning to the start. It felt a bit like losing a game of snakes and ladders, admittedly not the greatest start!!!)) we had finally arrived at Wimbledon. ((after a much needed revival costa)).  We eagerly found our seats, bear in mind at this point it was already 1:30pm and Heather Watson was successfully done and dusted on no.2 court so we had sadly missed that one. We put that thought aside and tried to enjoy Tsonga… I say tried.. we really tried..  After 45 minutes, the sun had quite literally out shown us. Sooooo, we retired to the shop.. yes, nothing like a good dose of retail therapy and some air con!!

A few souvenirs later, me and mum both looked at each other, not much was said but a few anxious looks to the sun, the crowds and the extremely shabby tennis lined up for court 2 we decided to admit defeat and go home. Yes, we are princesses when it comes to tennis and we are lucky enough and fortunate enough to be in the position to say ‘I will now only come if I am sitting in the royal box’.. jokes but there is definitely an ‘us and them’ culture at Wimbledon and we were definitely amongst the ‘thems’. Not fun.

HOWEVER!!! Things took a dramatically better turn for the later part of the afternoon. When on our way out we spied a fab game of ladies doubles on court no.9. We found a bench and a tiny bit of shade (Which made all the difference) we nested here for the rest of the afternoon. PLUS, kvitova was then moved on to court 2(!!!) At this point, slightly dehydrated and euphoric we had finally found some good tennis we finished the day on a high. Well until we realised that we had 3 minutes to get from King’s Cross underground to our train going back home to Cambridge.. after an Olympic sprint *massive shout out to mum here who moved like Usain* we made it, covered in sweat or wee I have no idea.

Adventures, whether they are good or bad, ((I am still trying to work out whether our trip to Wimbledon was either)) they can still go ahead and they can be fun – I can assure you that you will remember both. BUUUTTT everyone deserves some fun so go have some.

With a lot of love,







Is happiness a myth?

Mastering the art of mindfulness

In view of my last blog post and chatting with a few people on how to avoid that Monday morning feeling and trying to gain that long lasting feeling of, let’s call it happiness. I have actually realised that I have been striving for a goal that I personally don’t think exists.

The best way I can think of to describe this happiness is, you know when you are 8 years old, it’s a Saturday, so no school(!!!!) and it’s 7am ((which back then was a lie in)) and you just spring out of bed and all you are thinking is I must race downstairs and watch TV. For me and my sister this usually meant settling down to a morning of Disney channel ((well, until mum and dad would make an appearance)), making this even better was when you realise that there is a double bill of ‘Two of a kind’ on nickelodeon and ‘That’s So Raven’ then ‘Lizzie Mcguire’ on Disney Channel – now those were the make or break decisions. All that energy and excitement almost seems unobtainable now but all we were doing was being mindful.

There is such an expectation to be in a constant state of “happiness” and to live a life full of “wellness” doing the right things and ticking all the “right” boxes. We set these goals and lifestyle of  being able to achieve greatness and success, whether it is from travelling around the world and having Sunday morning brunch goals or landing the best job, while at the same time making time to go to the gym ((God forbid you have uni or even some kind of relationship on top of that)). These kind of lifestyles have been such an advertised way of living that it makes us think, well it definitely makes me think, that if we live in those ways then I too will be happy. But I know I am just setting myself up for failure. My biggest down fault is that, I am the biggest sucker for a little bit of advertisement. I literally went out and bought a Neom candle the other day because I read in a book that it will make me feel comforted and ultimately that will make me happy. To be fair it is the nicest candle I have ever bought and it did make my evening feel extremely cosy and smell amazing but I kept thinking brilliant! but, what else can I add to make it better and then make me even happier(?!?!?) Yes, buying that candle made me feel nice but I wasn’t thinking in THAT moment when I bought the candle or even when I lit the candle that this is nice.

I am constantly living either in the past; regretting, worrying, hating my choices, from thinking about what I just ate or whether in fact that candle I bought 2 days ago was in fact the perfect scent. As well as living in the future; being afraid of my next meal or seeking ways to live the best life. Living amongst two states of the past or the future is exhausting and is symptomatic of my eating disorder but I also think it is symptomatic of growing up and living in a world of technology and competition that allows us to have a record of the past alongside the ability to look to the future. We can now post endless photos on Facebook and Instagram from our brilliant weekend or holiday and as soon as they end we start planning for the next brilliant thing we can “share”, rather than really taking in those moments when they are actually happening. I am sure they are or were brilliant and it is amazing to share good times with everyone. Hey, I wouldn’t be able to share this blog with so many people and get my opinions heard otherwise. But ultimately I am doing it for myself and you should be too 😛

Bearing all of this in mind, I am now trying to be in the now. Mum and I were in the car the other day, we weren’t even driving, we had actually arrived at where we wanted to be but we paused. Katy Perry “Roar” was on the radio and mum turned it up super loud because it is one of those songs that can motivate the crap out of you ((it was definitely one of those mornings where we both needed a bit of umph)).

It was only for a minute but that was being happy and it felt fab *Dance parties are magic..thank you Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang for introducing that one to me*

Trust me I have a long long looooong way to go before mastering the art of mindfulness but hey, at least I have realised it now. Plus, practice makes perfect.

So, instead of trying to balance all the spinning saucers all at once, appreciate that split second when can you balance just one and be happy!!!! Because let’s whip up some more clichés…The grass isn’t always greener.

Hope you have a super mindful day… now go enjoy a perfectly mindful cup of coffee like you know I will be. xxxxxxxxxx


Something to get you going on that dreaded monday morning..

What is it with Mondays and their constant attempt to put a frown on my face.. the day has yet to come where I say “Yes, I am so happy it is a Monday” but you never know, keep reading and you might find out how 😉

So yeah, I’m not gonna lie I did wake up this morning with the typical Monday blues. I had such a lovely weekend with a cute visit from the grandparents which always gives us a bit of entertainment ((for all types of reasons..who can make the most inapropriate joke, safe to say that my brother usually wins that one. The little emperor that he is also gets away with it and is often referred to as “sweet”)). Aside from the sibling rivalries, the weekend was beaut filled with lots of sunshine and smiles.

So yeah, Mondays are a tough one for me, not because it is another relentless week at a job I don’t like or long week of exams ((Well done to those who have finally finished, woo!!!)). Rather, Mondays are a reminder that I am not able to do that kind of stuff and it can be hard being reminded that yeah, I still am struggling and I am unwell. ..who would have thought I would be jealous of people at school!

To overcome my lack of motivation and aimlessness I made my own routine.
So, after my well appreciated cup of tea ((big shoutout to my dad, who knows how to make a wicked cuppa in the morning #Iamaprincess)) I pray it’s not too cold, the sun is out and it’s not chucking it down with rain ((although I am impartial to a good rainstorm)) and take my pooch for a walk. That half an hour stroll, power walk, mooch or whatever tends to do the trick.. but not always. This morning, super tired from watching too much love island, I went from a 5/10 and came back a 6/10. I know it is not a massive change but it was something and that in itself makes me happy and gave me a fresh perspective.

Obviously that walk is soon followed by a cup of coffee, so if my walk didn’t sort me out that hopefully would. Basically, if you are feeling a little bit grotty or not feeling up to the day ahead go for a lil walk, put the best Spotify playlist on ((massive fan of ‘reach for the stars’ when I need a mood booster)) and get some fresh air – it can make a world of difference, or it won’t but can’t hurt to try #postivementalattitude.

….Or just roll over and watch another episode on Netflix but you can always do that later!


Please share your #mondaymotivation,
((I am slowly running out of routes to walk my dog, so they are also welcome!!!))


The power of a list.

How a list makes the day a little more doable..

I just wanted to start by saying that I am so grateful to the support I have received from posting my intro blog post yesterday! I have been so apprehensive about sharing this time with everyone so to have all the lovely messages has been amazing — THANK YOU! xxx but don’t go anywhere and keep reading…..

Coming home from uni was a massive decision to make but 100% the right one. While I was relieved I was home and back in a safe environment amongst the best family in the world, I suddenly felt extremely daunted and as there was an enormous expectation to suddenly get better, when truthfully I wasn’t quite ready.

That may sound quite strange, why would someone not want to get better and feel happy?? surely that is the sane thing to do?? It is not always quite as simple as that and for some time I just needed and wanted a bit of care. Luckily enough, my family, the legends that they are understood this and were in no rush to throw me back out into the world. My mum in particular, the queen that she is introduced me to the power of a list. Yes, I am talking about a 1. 2. 3. 4.. kind of list. She had made a jar and filled it with all sorts of questions for me. They varied from writing down all the movies I have watched this year, to making a list of the things that I think are hygee (OMG if you haven’t heard what hygee is, give it a google right now and thank me later #scandylifestyle). I would choose a question every day and I would make a list, usually with a very large cup of coffee in hand haha. Eventually I stopped picking from my jar and would just write lists about anything whenever I wanted but usually still with a very large cup of coffee.. can’t be doing without my Costa Coffee.

The beauty of lists is that they can literally range from anything. I usually start off with planning my day, but soon that list turns in to a sub list about something in that list. I pretty much end up making lists about making a list — I even made a list about writing about lists..i really like lists.

For me, it started giving me perspective and slowly helped me get back into the swing of things. My thoughts can quickly overwhelm me, even if it’s just planning a day out or choosing what to eat. When this happens I quickly become very anxious and that prevents me from actually going through with the what I wanted to do at all. By making a list or writing a few thoughts down it clearly shows you what you’ve got to do and that you can handle it – you can add bits where you want or scribble bits out, plus that feeling of crossing off something because you have actually completed it is amazing!! ((it’s like being back at school and putting a massive X through that page in your homework diary on that one crazy week where all your teachers gave you homework – whether you did that homework or not you have to admit that feeling was bliss. Just because we aren’t at school anymore doesn’t mean we don’t have things to do that we can’t put a massive X through)). I must not forget to mention that you become crazily organised and life in itself becomes just that little bit easier.. or well it did for me ((it also meant I got to go out and buy a super nice moleskin notebook and some new pens and pencils, which is always fun. However, a couple thousand lists later that has become quite an expensive way to go about things so have resorted to my £2 notebook from Tiger, which in fact looks identical,))

So on a day like today, when I didn’t wake up in the best frame of mind and actually felt quite daunted about the day ahead, Fridays for me can feel quite hectic and busy. This typically causing a lot of anxiety, which sets me up for a downwards spiral in thoughts. Nevertheless, I had to crack on otherwise I am pretty sure Alfie ((my dog.. the cutest Cocker Spaniel in the world — he will get his own blog post at some point don’t worry)) would have peed on my bed. With my large cup of coffee in hand, I wrote a trusty list and soon felt just that bit better…but that may just have been the caffeine kicking in.