Is happiness a myth?

Mastering the art of mindfulness

In view of my last blog post and chatting with a few people on how to avoid that Monday morning feeling and trying to gain that long lasting feeling of, let’s call it happiness. I have actually realised that I have been striving for a goal that I personally don’t think exists.

The best way I can think of to describe this happiness is, you know when you are 8 years old, it’s a Saturday, so no school(!!!!) and it’s 7am ((which back then was a lie in)) and you just spring out of bed and all you are thinking is I must race downstairs and watch TV. For me and my sister this usually meant settling down to a morning of Disney channel ((well, until mum and dad would make an appearance)), making this even better was when you realise that there is a double bill of ‘Two of a kind’ on nickelodeon and ‘That’s So Raven’ then ‘Lizzie Mcguire’ on Disney Channel – now those were the make or break decisions. All that energy and excitement almost seems unobtainable now but all we were doing was being mindful.

There is such an expectation to be in a constant state of “happiness” and to live a life full of “wellness” doing the right things and ticking all the “right” boxes. We set these goals and lifestyle of  being able to achieve greatness and success, whether it is from travelling around the world and having Sunday morning brunch goals or landing the best job, while at the same time making time to go to the gym ((God forbid you have uni or even some kind of relationship on top of that)). These kind of lifestyles have been such an advertised way of living that it makes us think, well it definitely makes me think, that if we live in those ways then I too will be happy. But I know I am just setting myself up for failure. My biggest down fault is that, I am the biggest sucker for a little bit of advertisement. I literally went out and bought a Neom candle the other day because I read in a book that it will make me feel comforted and ultimately that will make me happy. To be fair it is the nicest candle I have ever bought and it did make my evening feel extremely cosy and smell amazing but I kept thinking brilliant! but, what else can I add to make it better and then make me even happier(?!?!?) Yes, buying that candle made me feel nice but I wasn’t thinking in THAT moment when I bought the candle or even when I lit the candle that this is nice.

I am constantly living either in the past; regretting, worrying, hating my choices, from thinking about what I just ate or whether in fact that candle I bought 2 days ago was in fact the perfect scent. As well as living in the future; being afraid of my next meal or seeking ways to live the best life. Living amongst two states of the past or the future is exhausting and is symptomatic of my eating disorder but I also think it is symptomatic of growing up and living in a world of technology and competition that allows us to have a record of the past alongside the ability to look to the future. We can now post endless photos on Facebook and Instagram from our brilliant weekend or holiday and as soon as they end we start planning for the next brilliant thing we can “share”, rather than really taking in those moments when they are actually happening. I am sure they are or were brilliant and it is amazing to share good times with everyone. Hey, I wouldn’t be able to share this blog with so many people and get my opinions heard otherwise. But ultimately I am doing it for myself and you should be too 😛

Bearing all of this in mind, I am now trying to be in the now. Mum and I were in the car the other day, we weren’t even driving, we had actually arrived at where we wanted to be but we paused. Katy Perry “Roar” was on the radio and mum turned it up super loud because it is one of those songs that can motivate the crap out of you ((it was definitely one of those mornings where we both needed a bit of umph)).

It was only for a minute but that was being happy and it felt fab *Dance parties are magic..thank you Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang for introducing that one to me*

Trust me I have a long long looooong way to go before mastering the art of mindfulness but hey, at least I have realised it now. Plus, practice makes perfect.

So, instead of trying to balance all the spinning saucers all at once, appreciate that split second when can you balance just one and be happy!!!! Because let’s whip up some more clichés…The grass isn’t always greener.

Hope you have a super mindful day… now go enjoy a perfectly mindful cup of coffee like you know I will be. xxxxxxxxxx


Something to get you going on that dreaded monday morning..

What is it with Mondays and their constant attempt to put a frown on my face.. the day has yet to come where I say “Yes, I am so happy it is a Monday” but you never know, keep reading and you might find out how 😉

So yeah, I’m not gonna lie I did wake up this morning with the typical Monday blues. I had such a lovely weekend with a cute visit from the grandparents which always gives us a bit of entertainment ((for all types of reasons..who can make the most inapropriate joke, safe to say that my brother usually wins that one. The little emperor that he is also gets away with it and is often referred to as “sweet”)). Aside from the sibling rivalries, the weekend was beaut filled with lots of sunshine and smiles.

So yeah, Mondays are a tough one for me, not because it is another relentless week at a job I don’t like or long week of exams ((Well done to those who have finally finished, woo!!!)). Rather, Mondays are a reminder that I am not able to do that kind of stuff and it can be hard being reminded that yeah, I still am struggling and I am unwell. ..who would have thought I would be jealous of people at school!

To overcome my lack of motivation and aimlessness I made my own routine.
So, after my well appreciated cup of tea ((big shoutout to my dad, who knows how to make a wicked cuppa in the morning #Iamaprincess)) I pray it’s not too cold, the sun is out and it’s not chucking it down with rain ((although I am impartial to a good rainstorm)) and take my pooch for a walk. That half an hour stroll, power walk, mooch or whatever tends to do the trick.. but not always. This morning, super tired from watching too much love island, I went from a 5/10 and came back a 6/10. I know it is not a massive change but it was something and that in itself makes me happy and gave me a fresh perspective.

Obviously that walk is soon followed by a cup of coffee, so if my walk didn’t sort me out that hopefully would. Basically, if you are feeling a little bit grotty or not feeling up to the day ahead go for a lil walk, put the best Spotify playlist on ((massive fan of ‘reach for the stars’ when I need a mood booster)) and get some fresh air – it can make a world of difference, or it won’t but can’t hurt to try #postivementalattitude.

….Or just roll over and watch another episode on Netflix but you can always do that later!


Please share your #mondaymotivation,
((I am slowly running out of routes to walk my dog, so they are also welcome!!!))


The power of a list.

How a list makes the day a little more doable..

I just wanted to start by saying that I am so grateful to the support I have received from posting my intro blog post yesterday! I have been so apprehensive about sharing this time with everyone so to have all the lovely messages has been amazing — THANK YOU! xxx but don’t go anywhere and keep reading…..

Coming home from uni was a massive decision to make but 100% the right one. While I was relieved I was home and back in a safe environment amongst the best family in the world, I suddenly felt extremely daunted and as there was an enormous expectation to suddenly get better, when truthfully I wasn’t quite ready.

That may sound quite strange, why would someone not want to get better and feel happy?? surely that is the sane thing to do?? It is not always quite as simple as that and for some time I just needed and wanted a bit of care. Luckily enough, my family, the legends that they are understood this and were in no rush to throw me back out into the world. My mum in particular, the queen that she is introduced me to the power of a list. Yes, I am talking about a 1. 2. 3. 4.. kind of list. She had made a jar and filled it with all sorts of questions for me. They varied from writing down all the movies I have watched this year, to making a list of the things that I think are hygee (OMG if you haven’t heard what hygee is, give it a google right now and thank me later #scandylifestyle). I would choose a question every day and I would make a list, usually with a very large cup of coffee in hand haha. Eventually I stopped picking from my jar and would just write lists about anything whenever I wanted but usually still with a very large cup of coffee.. can’t be doing without my Costa Coffee.

The beauty of lists is that they can literally range from anything. I usually start off with planning my day, but soon that list turns in to a sub list about something in that list. I pretty much end up making lists about making a list — I even made a list about writing about lists..i really like lists.

For me, it started giving me perspective and slowly helped me get back into the swing of things. My thoughts can quickly overwhelm me, even if it’s just planning a day out or choosing what to eat. When this happens I quickly become very anxious and that prevents me from actually going through with the what I wanted to do at all. By making a list or writing a few thoughts down it clearly shows you what you’ve got to do and that you can handle it – you can add bits where you want or scribble bits out, plus that feeling of crossing off something because you have actually completed it is amazing!! ((it’s like being back at school and putting a massive X through that page in your homework diary on that one crazy week where all your teachers gave you homework – whether you did that homework or not you have to admit that feeling was bliss. Just because we aren’t at school anymore doesn’t mean we don’t have things to do that we can’t put a massive X through)). I must not forget to mention that you become crazily organised and life in itself becomes just that little bit easier.. or well it did for me ((it also meant I got to go out and buy a super nice moleskin notebook and some new pens and pencils, which is always fun. However, a couple thousand lists later that has become quite an expensive way to go about things so have resorted to my £2 notebook from Tiger, which in fact looks identical,))

So on a day like today, when I didn’t wake up in the best frame of mind and actually felt quite daunted about the day ahead, Fridays for me can feel quite hectic and busy. This typically causing a lot of anxiety, which sets me up for a downwards spiral in thoughts. Nevertheless, I had to crack on otherwise I am pretty sure Alfie ((my dog.. the cutest Cocker Spaniel in the world — he will get his own blog post at some point don’t worry)) would have peed on my bed. With my large cup of coffee in hand, I wrote a trusty list and soon felt just that bit better…but that may just have been the caffeine kicking in.


Hello, my name is…

A brief introduction to my blog!!!

Here is my first blog post..ek! Truthfully, I have been writing my blog post ever since I have returned home after uni (since about February) as a way of directing my thoughts and keeping up to date on basically my own life..supposed to be therapeutic or something. To be honest I have been absolutely terrible at it, who knew how difficult writing about yourself is! For example, keeping my posts regular and actually finding a way to say something without it sounding cliché and fake. I am super apprehensive about sharing this because I don’t know how people will respond but I guess that’s the “fun” of it??? I am taking the leap and going “public” with it.


I have been a bit all over the place recently in terms of what I am doing with my life and where I want to go with it. I want to use this blog as a way of exploring my options and thoughts and a way to get advice and hear about different experiences from other people. I have hit a bit of bump in terms of myself, knowing and understanding who I am ((lol cliché 1 – 0 me)) but all of us experience it and some find it more difficult than others to cope with. I know for me, I have not coped at all.. and if anyone can relate, you will know, the thought of everyone else having “it” together ((whatever “it” is)) while you feel like you are crumbling is so lonely! I am hoping that others will share their own thoughts and realise that we aren’t alone and that the struggles of “growing up” are real.


Mental health and mental illness, in my opinion, is sososososooooooo important, especially today amongst our absolutely crazy lives. I have had, what it feels like a long history of mental illness and I am only 20, but hey ho. I have suffered with depression and more recently an eating disorder. I also know many people who have suffered from either both, one or none. Again, like anyone other illness you often feel like the only one out there experiencing this but I can’t reiterate enough how many others are either feeling something similar or want to help.


University has been put on hold…for now…So I’m using this time to create a space where not only mental illness is discussed but also mental wellness because ultimately that’s what we want to achieve ((obviously in an ideal world, I for one know that while today might be a good day the bad days haven’t gone forever – but it’s what we do on those bad days which is vital!)). I would like to give a perspective on what I have found out over the past few years has helped me and to share my opinion and find out everyone else’s tips and tricks.

Waffle aside, I can’t wait to share a few things I have done over the past couple of months and the plans I have made. I don’t want this to be all about me and would love to hear what other advice or plans other people have made. Let’s share and be part of a community that could make a difference!

As everyone keeps reminding me it’s all a journey.

Olivia xxx