In view of my last blog post and chatting with a few people on how to avoid that Monday morning feeling and trying to gain that long lasting feeling of, let’s call it happiness. I have actually realised that I have been striving for a goal that I personally don’t think exists.
The best way I can think of to describe this happiness is, you know when you are 8 years old, it’s a Saturday, so no school(!!!!) and it’s 7am ((which back then was a lie in)) and you just spring out of bed and all you are thinking is I must race downstairs and watch TV. For me and my sister this usually meant settling down to a morning of Disney channel ((well, until mum and dad would make an appearance)), making this even better was when you realise that there is a double bill of ‘Two of a kind’ on nickelodeon and ‘That’s So Raven’ then ‘Lizzie Mcguire’ on Disney Channel – now those were the make or break decisions. All that energy and excitement almost seems unobtainable now but all we were doing was being mindful.
There is such an expectation to be in a constant state of “happiness” and to live a life full of “wellness” doing the right things and ticking all the “right” boxes. We set these goals and lifestyle of being able to achieve greatness and success, whether it is from travelling around the world and having Sunday morning brunch goals or landing the best job, while at the same time making time to go to the gym ((God forbid you have uni or even some kind of relationship on top of that)). These kind of lifestyles have been such an advertised way of living that it makes us think, well it definitely makes me think, that if we live in those ways then I too will be happy. But I know I am just setting myself up for failure. My biggest down fault is that, I am the biggest sucker for a little bit of advertisement. I literally went out and bought a Neom candle the other day because I read in a book that it will make me feel comforted and ultimately that will make me happy. To be fair it is the nicest candle I have ever bought and it did make my evening feel extremely cosy and smell amazing but I kept thinking brilliant! but, what else can I add to make it better and then make me even happier(?!?!?) Yes, buying that candle made me feel nice but I wasn’t thinking in THAT moment when I bought the candle or even when I lit the candle that this is nice.
I am constantly living either in the past; regretting, worrying, hating my choices, from thinking about what I just ate or whether in fact that candle I bought 2 days ago was in fact the perfect scent. As well as living in the future; being afraid of my next meal or seeking ways to live the best life. Living amongst two states of the past or the future is exhausting and is symptomatic of my eating disorder but I also think it is symptomatic of growing up and living in a world of technology and competition that allows us to have a record of the past alongside the ability to look to the future. We can now post endless photos on Facebook and Instagram from our brilliant weekend or holiday and as soon as they end we start planning for the next brilliant thing we can “share”, rather than really taking in those moments when they are actually happening. I am sure they are or were brilliant and it is amazing to share good times with everyone. Hey, I wouldn’t be able to share this blog with so many people and get my opinions heard otherwise. But ultimately I am doing it for myself and you should be too 😛
Bearing all of this in mind, I am now trying to be in the now. Mum and I were in the car the other day, we weren’t even driving, we had actually arrived at where we wanted to be but we paused. Katy Perry “Roar” was on the radio and mum turned it up super loud because it is one of those songs that can motivate the crap out of you ((it was definitely one of those mornings where we both needed a bit of umph)).
It was only for a minute but that was being happy and it felt fab *Dance parties are magic..thank you Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang for introducing that one to me*
Trust me I have a long long looooong way to go before mastering the art of mindfulness but hey, at least I have realised it now. Plus, practice makes perfect.
So, instead of trying to balance all the spinning saucers all at once, appreciate that split second when can you balance just one and be happy!!!! Because let’s whip up some more clichés…The grass isn’t always greener.
Hope you have a super mindful day… now go enjoy a perfectly mindful cup of coffee like you know I will be. xxxxxxxxxx